You're not a Monster
by chocomelly
Summary: N and Touya say goodbye.  Perhaps very subtle BL subtext


Thank you for reading! Reviews much appreciated

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><p>A lot had happened. In such a short time, so much had transpired that it made Touya feel dizzy. Perhaps some of it was being up so high in that tower, staring straight across at that gaping hole beyond them. There was nothing but sky stretching for miles, his vision seemed to swirl about aimlessly, and it all left an uncomfortable, nervous feeling in the pit of the young hero's stomach. At least he told himself that's what it was.<p>

Touya was a modest person, not particularly overconfident, but he had always been headstrong and determined when it came to his convictions. But what about now? Nothing felt right. What feeling was there now that he could be certain of? He'd subdued Zekrom and defeated Ghetsis as he meant to, but these victories felt foggy in his consciousness compared to the ever present sinking feeling in his heart. Cheren's eyes flicked over to Touya in concern as he and Alder dragged Ghetsis past him. He barely noticed, his legs seeming to take charge and autonomously draw him from their path as the two extricated the man from the premises.

As it happened around him, the situation felt foreign to Touya. The hero's eyes searched for something but continued only to settle on N's face—that twisted, painful expression which might best have been described as the death of innocence, or something that had become too mangled and warped to even be called innocence anymore. Time ticked slowly by in agony for Touya as he seemed to lose sight of all his convictions. In reality it had only been the smallest, merest moment of dissonance and with the next breath he drew, N's expression snapped perfectly back to composure, the briefly contorted lines of his face smoothing neatly into perfection. Unreadable, unreachable, and yet immeasurably captivating.

Touya stared at the green haired young man as he approached. N stopped in front of him, smiling enigmatically, possibly reassuringly but nothing was certain to Touya as he received it. In truth N was smiling because of Touya, who always laid every emotion unknowingly out before him in perfect honesty, but never in a sloppy overbearing sort of way. Just sincere and likeable.

"There's something I would like to talk with you about." He said calmly. Touya thought N looked even just a little sad, but that was enough to make his heart wrench rather painfully against his ribcage. Ghetsis' words, weapons against his own child, "heartless, inhuman monster" echoed in his head, making his throat hitch. Why was it that he felt so much like crying?

He mustered a simple nod and the two walked on.

"When I first met you, I heard the voices of your Pokémon, and I was shocked at what I'd heard." N began, never saying more than was necessary or raising his voice from its quiet, soothing timbre. He shook his head lightly, "Why…did they claim to be _fond_ of you? They told me they wanted to be with you."

"N…" Touya tried to interrupt. A_re you really alright, after all those things your father said? Aren't you hurt?_ Why were they talking about Touya and his Pokémon instead? There was so much he wanted to ask, but whatever N was saying seemed to be important to him, and as he turned to Touya to continue, the young trainer felt whatever words he had prepared die in his throat.

"I never knew—I never understood that there were Pokémon in the world who liked people, who loved them, until I met you." N went on, speaking casually despite the gravity he sincerely felt his words held, "little by little, as our journeys entwined, you swayed my feelings…"

N continued to walk forth, towards the open sky, Touya following loyally beside him and pausing whenever N paused. The air grew colder with every resounding step, and the light beyond them made N glow faintly in contrast to the dark shadow on his backside, making him feel only ever more distant to Touya. There was an inexplicable aching in his chest.

"What I do now is up for me to decide…" N trailed off. By now Touya had fallen several paces behind—at some point his feet had not willed him to step any closer to that foreboding blue sky.

"Touya."

He held his breath.

"You must have dreams. Believe in them—"

He wanted to savor this speech, knowing somehow that it must be very important despite that he could not seem to grasp it. What was N saying? His voice held Touya but the boy found himself strangely unable to cling to the words that carried it. It was not unlike a dream in which he'd take a step off the ground only to find he could not regain his footing.

"Well then…" he concluded. His tone was perfectly even, as if mocking the shy unspoken words which had caught in Touya's throat, refusing come out. A goodbye was imminent.

_No. _

_Don't say it. _

_There's so much I need to say first—_why now had he become incapable of speaking?

"Farewell."

The two syllables blurred together in his mind. Oddly enough, N's distant, smiling face seemed to blur before him too. It wasn't until his rival was suddenly right in front of him, wiping his tears away, that Touya realized it was because he'd begun to cry. Here N had been hurt, had his entire life's meaning ripped out from beneath him, and Touya was crying instead. He felt stupid.

N, on the other hand, felt incredibly grateful. Fortunate even. That someone would cry for him. Cry to see him go.

"And thank you." He whispered, meeting Touya's eyes with a gentle expression. It was all Touya could do to pull his quivering lips into a shaky but equally heartfelt smile. Unconsciously he savored the touch of warm fingertips grazing his cheeks before they slid away.

And then N turned his back to him. Touya thought he'd never felt so light and heavy at the same time. As if he might both sink into the floor and blow away with the wind all at once. A small gust rattled them as he watched in awe, the serenity in N's face. He had never seen anything more beautiful in his life, he thought, despite that he thought he had felt this way in Zekrom's presence only moments ago.

He fell peacefully, poetically, into the cloudy blue void, and was gone. Touya fell to his knees.

The tears fell freely now, soft sobs and sighs escaping his trembling lips. "No…" It was an unanticipated, gut-wrenching sadness marked by the loss of something important and irreplaceable. The shivers from the sobs were made no better by the cold, open air that tore through him. Even when the chill had vanished, his body suddenly enveloped in warmth, the quivering did not seem to stop.

Touya opened his eyes suddenly. Warmth? Arms had wrapped themselves around him. Strands of green hair stuck to his tear-stricken face as they whipped about in the wind. This time N looked on the verge of tears.

Touya literally gasped, immediately feeling stupid for such a reaction but too shocked ultimately to care. He couldn't help thinking that N never cried.

No. Of course he did. He was human, after all.

"Ghetsis is wrong," Touya croaked, "You're not a monster."

These were the words that broke the spell. Tears spilled forth from N's eyes, as real and raw as any human's; they were hot and felt strange on his skin.

Touya might have been alarmed to see N cry, he might have been uncomfortable, unknowing what sort of reaction to have. But it didn't matter now. He welcomed N's soft muted hiccupping sobs, and the watery stains on both their cheeks; he welcomed the fingers curled tightly into his clothes and hair. The embrace that said goodbye, but not forever.

"Thank you." It was nothing more than a whisper but it resounded deeper within Touya than the loudest of bellows. It was the last thing N would say to him before they pulled apart, before gentle lips brushed over his brow.

And he was gone again. But Touya only smiled, with nothing more than a murmur to the wind, "We will meet again."


End file.
